awkward goodbyes

by Fenn Macon

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1.
we were so down to escape this dumb hell of a town but we stayed and made the town our home and tried to help it grow people move out people get jobs and escape their self doubt but it creeps back tenfold emotionally closed off and not answering my phone things I thought I fixed a long time ago (LMAO 2020 still working on it) do you feel how I feel? do you fear what I fear?
2.
do you think we're better off than we were before we met? what if we never talked? would you still capture my interest with all your worst aspects and my insecurities to help us fade away to make this feel incomplete I didn't mean it when I said I didn't love you so but now you're gone so I guess that I'll just let it go with empty gestures to remind myself of the fact that we were once together through our worst days I never hated you tried my best but I still left lost and anxious so I think we're better off far across state lines where you aren't on my mind
3.
put your name across my number put your heart on my chest you told me giving up on nothing was your greatest asset your saving grace was a social grave north of new haven industrial mavens exposing themselves to the leaves I am looking at pictures of us together at night on the beach before the summer cast us out of touch, full of doubt, and just too far out of reach I only wish that we could have held it together and then I'd know what to believe but now you're out at sea~!! we set out for new york but settled for newports over nat shermans gone away chasing lights and better seats on flights living out your dreams giving up on me
4.
02:31
I'm sick with second chances from all these past romances but all I do is talk on awkward night drives and walks about the past and if we'd last this time so I wait it out, I'll see you around cuz I know that you won't see me now so we drag it out, a life full of questions with answers we don't understand
5.
01:52
these two hears lie awake in the dark and they know that the end is coming soon
6.
what do you wanna do today? I never wanna do anything anymore I just sit around the house and waste away while gaining weight
7.
02:47
I've been dead broke but surviving on old starbucks gift cards (that I got from my aunt!) for the third week in a row it's freezing cold (and I'm restless again) the sharp pains of toes slipping on freezing water (I fell down) shark week and woes of summer around the corner (it's March!) And still I'm not whole But I'm not that worried Cuz the lightning across the plains Doesn't affect Massachusetts rains (it fuckin does tho!) Even if my car won't start Forever you'll be in my heart Going out to find a home from however long ago A home where I grew up and I missed my fathers birthday And he's hurting in the worst way I miss you, dad. Sorry. And still I'm not whole But I'm not that worried Cuz the lightning across the plains Doesn't affect Massachusetts rains (it fuckin does tho!) Even if my car won't start Forever you'll be in my heart I've been dead broke but just trying to get by
8.
some days I can't get out of bed til dark then you'll see me at the bar but I won't cross the room, no I won't talk to you what's another round of drinks? what's another night alone talking to an empty home? what's another week in bed talking to voices inside my head? what's another week in bed?
9.
I'm with u always I see u cry alone in the car on a three hour drive I'm why u can't sleep at night I'm with u always I'm the reason why you can't get out of bed and in class you don't try I seep in thru the windows of this old house I chip away your dreams, I'm breaking you down inside I'm with u always I see you cry I'm there when you feel good I'm just standing by So sleep tight
10.
I remember sitting getting drunk on your porch when you said you were in love and that moment proved to be enough and now I will spend my days with u I wanna go for a walk with you thru your hometown you can show me all the schools and ways your life came out take me to waterfalls behind the oldest of the mills I wanna know you better than most people ever will You've got a lot on your mind, but I've got plenty of time I wanna go for a walk with you thru your hometown you can show me all the schools and ways your life came out take me to waterfalls behind the oldest of the mills I wanna know you better than most people ever will
11.
I'll take to the woods with you if that is what you want to do Just tell me where you want to stop and we'll explore the forest I saw the stars before the sun, the early morning tends to run we blend together and depart and we become the stars I'm seeing things so clearly when you're near me Hold on to those who put love first <3 <3
12.
we stay out late tonight finding diamonds in the glow of our headlights til the dawn when we make our new way home til the dawn when we make our joyous sound for the morn until there's silence yeah, we know that this can't last forever but for now it feels like home find me when we've run out of things to say when together we're alone when there's silence yeah, we know that this can't last forever but for now it feels like home let's just try to enjoy this time while it lasts when together we're alone when there's silence well there's silence!
13.
03:38
I am trying to grow, I'm just not sure in which direction tho, so I present myself as whole even tho I'm feeling lost and so alone All the pain I've ever brought floods my vacant brain with thoughts you don't wanna think about me anymore I exist in your past and you're never coming back and it's no ones fault but my own Looking in the mirror, tryna measure my progress I'm trying to have faith in this process How do I become a better person? Someone you'd consider a friend, but that's not urgent! When I realized what I'd done I hated who I had become I felt like my worst possible version So I am trying to grow I'm holding myself more accountable So I can present myself as whole Because I want to be a person that you'd want to know

about

here's an album I never finished, whoops! it's about breakups, moving home from college, and coming to terms with my dad having a terminal illness (very fun! not sad at all!)

I kept on saying I was gonna come back and finish the mixes, vocal takes, lyrics, etc for this but instead I made a taco bell band

this is for Cat, who recently told me she was bummed she never got a breakup album.

credits

released March 20, 2020

I recorded drums at The Office Recording in North Andover with Mike Moschetto who fuckin rules, I think that I have sat on this long enough that this is the final thing coming out that was recorded there lol

anyway I wrote and recorded everything else

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about

Fenn Macon Worcester, Massachusetts

check out the bands I am in:
The Baja Blasters
Superjerk
Really Great
Opposable
MCtheProfessor.GOV

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